She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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