I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
