Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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