smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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