my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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