Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
