i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.