You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst