Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!