Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
and she was petting her beer can
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
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I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
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If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?