so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
