i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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