I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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