it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
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To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
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My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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