On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize