I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask