just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
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It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
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she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL