I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
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have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.