..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.