So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.