Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
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But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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