So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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