:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
