remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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