walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
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I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
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There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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