I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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