I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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