Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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