I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
