Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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