You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
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I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
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It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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