I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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