i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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