I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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