yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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