I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
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I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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