You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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