he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
