Umm I'm too high to move.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
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I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?