when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT