omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
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oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
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I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?