so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.