One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.