wanna go halves on a baby?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
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We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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