im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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