i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
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The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
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bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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