My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?