Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!