so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
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I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
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you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.