why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
33 Memes Youâ€™ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If Youâ€™ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...