How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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