Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it's like iHOP with fire
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
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I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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