I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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