You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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