Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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