okay pat passed out under dana's car
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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