Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
