Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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