Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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