Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.