i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize