We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
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but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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