i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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