If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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